I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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