I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
