Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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