she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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