Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
