any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
