you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
