I got chris browned last night
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
