WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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