The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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