Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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