Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
