He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
