if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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