Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
