I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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