All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
why didn't you poke me back
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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