i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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