all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
