There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
