Pants 0. Shit 1.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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