we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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