Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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