My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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