idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
