im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
