you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
