That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
