somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
