This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
