When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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