Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
