tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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