He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
