Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize