I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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