just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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