My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
