my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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