ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
