Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
