Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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