I wish I could punch you in the face.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
