I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
