dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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