used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
