There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
