Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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