I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize