Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
