Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my being single is dangerous.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
