This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do herpes really smell.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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