I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize