shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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