I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
