Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize