At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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