oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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