So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
