my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
