What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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