fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
