Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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