okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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