Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
