you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
