he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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