i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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