He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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