So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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