I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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