Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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