Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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