How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
