So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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