Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize