mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
