I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
