I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
