I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I believe in your delicious
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
