No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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