Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
