Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
