and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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